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Wondrous Beauty
Living From Within
21st-Apr-2010 11:06 am - Writer's Block: Question everything.
Do you often feel that random people ask you a lot of questions? Has anyone ever tried to ask you a lot of questions all at once? When people ask you a lot of questions all at once, do you ignore some of the questions? In those cases where someone asks you a load of questions, do you consider all the questions as one question, or maybe think of them as individual questions? After a lot of questions, if someone asks you to explain your answer, does that count as another question? Explain your answer.


That's always my response. Either that or I just ignore them. I could sit here and answer each individual question, but does this so-called random person seriously care? Normally these kind of people ask so many questions that they forget what they'd asked you, and then they ask you again the next time they see you.
18th-Apr-2010 02:38 pm - Writer's Block: Back to the future
excuse me to hell
If you were 12 and could see yourself now, do you think you'd be happy or disappointed, and why?

Honestly, my 12-year-old self would be highly disappointed and become depressed.

I was 12 about 10 years ago, and I expected myself to at least have a 4-year degree, to be living on my own, and to be married and thinking about children by now. I'm so far from that - it's not even funny. I have absolutely no idea when I'm going back to school, 'cause I don't feel secure enough to go back, not to mention that I have absolutely no money for tuition or any school expenses; I couldn't live on my own with the little pay I earn and all my huge medical expenses; and as far as guys are concerned, I'm a nun. No goodies for anyone, 'cause I just don't wanna be bothered. Hell, this damn Zoloft (that I'm weaning myself off of) has killed my ability to enjoy sex or masturbation, so I couldn't really care less right now.

Ten years from now, though, I believe that I'll be much better off. :-) If not, then this is some bullshit... lol
5th-Apr-2010 05:57 pm - Writer's Block: But enough about you
If it were possible to clone a same-age version of yourself, do you think the two of you would be friends? Do you think you'd enjoy each other's company or find the similar point of view boring?

Damn... I almost forgot about this damn question. lol

I don't think that I could be my own friend. It's not that I secretly hate myself or that I would get bored or anything, but where's the excitement? I mean, I would know exactly how I'm feeling, exactly what I'm thinking, and exactly what I'd be up to... who cares? Don't get me wrong - I love myself, but I find other people to be very extraordinary; I love to learn new things, not go over what I already know.
11th-Mar-2010 06:25 pm - Writer's Block: Kids or child-free?
Baby Addy
Whether you've chosen to have children or live child-free, how and when did you (or will you) reach this decision? If you're in a relationship, did you (or will you) decide separately or together?

I've always wanted kids, and I still do. Please don't throw a shoe at me for saying this, but I would like to have 4-8 kids. *ducks* lol I'm sure that I will really love being a mom♥

It may be difficult for me to conceive...Collapse )

So, yeah...anyway, I mentioned all this because at some point I will get the blood test to see if I definitely have PCOS or not. With PCOS it can be very difficult to get pregnant or to carry a baby full term, which saddens me a bit. I don't want any kids now, but I will someday... I'm not worried about the increased risk of diabetes, heart problems, or the cancers - I'm worried about infertility and the increased risk of miscarriages. :-(
5th-Mar-2010 12:02 pm - Writer's Block: Ten years to the day
What do you expect to be doing ten years from today, and where do you hope to be living?

Seriously, I have absolutely no idea. I don't even know what I'm gonna be doing a year from now. It's not that I don't make plans or have goals, it's that nothing's what I expect it to be.
2nd-Mar-2010 05:25 pm - Writer's Block: It's me, not you
Have you ever broken off a relationship with a friend because it was unhealthy for your self-esteem? Were you proud of your decision or did you regret it?

Actually, she broke it off with me. She felt that I was an "ungrateful bitch," who constantly took from her and used her. I didn't see it that way. She knew that I didn't have a job or any money to spend and she knew that I was okay with her not buying things for me all the time. She probably thought that I was judgmental too, since I did not approve of her then-boyfriend.

I'm glad that the relationship ended, although it ended on bad terms. She tried to call me some months later to patch things up, but I didn't call her back. Before we could be friends again, the both of us will need some intensive psychotherapy. Since this is a public blog, I won't go into details as to why I say that, but I'll say that she was very angry and frustrated with many things in her life while I was on the brink of feeling suicidal. Those two feelings don't blend well. Not at all.
oatmeal dinner
Given the choice, would you rather sleep in or eat a delicious breakfast? Is there any food you love so much that you'd wake up at dawn or travel a great distance just to eat it?

Are you kidding me? Wake up at dawn? I wake up at 2am to get ready and be at work by 4am, and I have lunch at 8am. Anyway, back to the question... I rather eat a delicious breakfast. I don't get those very often and I could sleep when I finish my shift at work.
24th-Dec-2009 08:11 am - EMDR
First, I'd like to say happy holidays to everyone! :-)

Sometime in January I plan to start EMDR therapy. Right now me and my therapist are preparing for it. I told her that I'm afraid of experiencing panic attacks, dissociations, and other symptoms during treatment, so we're making sure that I feel safe before we start retrieving scary memories. I'm very excited but pretty nervous at the same time. I've read that many, many people had awesome results from EMDR therapy. I hope I become one of them.
13th-Dec-2009 04:08 pm - Doctors, Doctors, Doctors
Seasonal-snow tree
I've been going to therapy one to two times a week, and strangely it isn't difficult at all. I've only been seeing Dr. Young since October, but I feel that I've made a lot of progress. Well, at least I've been telling her about some of my touchy traumatic memories.

Dr. Young recommended a psychiatrist for me to see, Dr. Pieri. He's cool. He prescribed me Zoloft, and I've been taking it for a week now. I was on 25mg and for the next two weeks I'll take 50mg, and after that 100mg. Luckily, I haven't really felt any of the side-effects, so hopefully I still won't feel them after I double my dosage tonight.

Also, I've been prescribed birth-control pills by my new gynecologist. My periods are extremely abnormal, and I'll get an ultrasound early next month to see if I have uterine fibroids. My mother and her sister have them, which caused them to have heavy and abnormal periods. It's nothing too serious, but the ultrasound will let me know what's going on.

My recently abscessed tooth still isn't fixed. lol I've been seeing a dentist regularly to fix my teeth, and he fixed all my other teeth and re-did the root canal in the abscessed tooth. He wanted to wait until the infection and the pain were completely gone before he proceeded to put a crown on it. Now I owe them a lot of money and can't go back until I pay it off. lol I'm gonna find a cheaper dentist to fill this tooth because the temporary filling is long past its time.

I have therapy tomorrow and have no idea what to talk about. lol
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