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Wondrous Beauty
Living From Within
I Need to Get Away...Now! 
8th-Jun-2006 12:47 pm
Water angel
Didn't have a very good night. I felt hopeless and suicidal so I took two Ambien pills (I usually take two), but it took me a while to fall asleep. My dreams sucked because I woke up only to be anxious. My parents finally gave me my mail, but since one of them is a bill I will get charged a $15 late fee...AGAIN!!! Well, actually I finally found it, they probably wouldn't have told me. I swear my parents are trying to ruin my life. Also, I called the credit card company to tell them that I want to cancel my card and that I never received it in the first place (my parents probably have the card).

I've been an angry bitch lately, wanting-to-fight-and-literally-kill-people bitchy. While I was trying to call the company my sister's boyfriend and possibly my other sister's friend tried to call...continuously!!! That fuckin' shit gets on my nerves!!! Call once and then call back later if no one answers the damn phone! When one of those crazy people called like the 3rd or 4th time, I cursed that person out. Come to find out it was my sister's boyfriend. Why the hell would you call like 6 times within 5mins?!!...Unless it's an emergency, but it wasn't. That son-of-a-bitch lives right next door, but he has to call her every 5secs despite the fact that she goes over his house all the time.

8th-Jun-2006 09:58 pm (UTC)
I wish I had some sleep advice I could give you. I'm on the opposite side of the hill. When I'm really depressed I sleep too much.

I would just say, if you can't sleep, don't. Pick up a book and read, or do whatever activity you can do. I think the sleep problems will be less anxiety provoking if you don't feel like you are obligated to sleep.
12th-Jun-2006 05:49 am (UTC) - Re: Some thoughts on Suicide
I absolutely agree with your thoughts. Your post was the best response I've read yet. I have become so frustrated who think "ignorance is bliss" is a slogan to live by. In fact, I had an argument with someone yesterday who commented that they thought knowledge constitutes a form of evil, because without knowledge people can't be "evil". I don't think I've heard of anything so... silly.

I'm also mentally ill and even though life does get better at times, I don't doubt that I will one day kill myself, at a time that suits me, I suppose. In some ways, it feels good to have some small amount of control over "fate". More than that, it's not right that some left over moral remnants of Christianity should still dictate societal values.

Thank you for your thoughts and you may certainly save my post as part of your memories if you would like.

14th-Jun-2006 01:45 am (UTC)
Yikes!! they intercept your mail! what a horrible breach of privacy! it sounds like jail. i hope you get out of there soon. xo
14th-Jun-2006 04:28 am (UTC)
I agree with microsleep. Maybe you could check with the local post office and find out how much they would charge you for a P.O. Box for the time. My mom had to get one because my dad took her mail (mostly bills), hid it and would never admit to taking it. So everything was always late until she got a box, that took care of the whole thing.

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