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Wondrous Beauty
Living From Within
I Wanna Die 
26th-May-2006 09:27 pm
Water angel
If I had a gun, I'd probably murder my parents and then murder myself. I can't continue to live like this. The only choice that I have is to kill myself or to move the fuck out. I need to call someone now...*tears*
27th-May-2006 02:54 am (UTC)
What's wrong?
27th-May-2006 03:12 am (UTC)
My mom doesn't like who I am. She tells me to be lady-like and "normal" because no one will like me for being honest (she seriously doesn't like my being honest), differnt, and a nonconformist. Also, she doesn't believe that I am mentally ill... :(

If I feel suicidal or overwhelmed, then she'd tell my father and he'd yell at me and threaten to beat me. I try to avoid that by staying quiet, but they like to pick on me.
27th-May-2006 03:02 pm (UTC)
I am sorry that you have problems with your mother. Remember that it may be her problem and not yours. But that doesn't lessen the pain if they pick on you.

There are many, many people in this world. I know you'll have friends when you go out to meet them. No matter how unusual you think you are, there will be someone like you.

As for your being mentally ill, don't dwell on labels. MAny people live "colorful" lives and what is normal anyway? Even if you have problems in situations that others don't, then you handle it the best way you know how.

I'm sad to hear that you equate suicide with overwhelmed. They are very different to me. And I can't say you should think about something because it is bad. I can't control what thoughts come into my head. But when I am having sad thoughts, I try to think of things that make me happy. If bad thoughts are strong, you should look for help.

When I am picked on I am quiet too. I give myself a time-out and go to my room. I write or read.

take care of yourself
28th-May-2006 06:55 pm (UTC)
I didn't mean for it to seem that I was equating suicide ideation with being overwhelmed. If I feel overly anxious, then my mom tries to punish me some kind of way. If I feel suicidal, then my mom tries to punish me some kind of way. There are times when I am overwhelmed by the thought of suicide, but I usually end up calling 911 or telling someone that I think I could trust.
28th-May-2006 07:20 am (UTC)
I have the same thoughts as you about murdering my mom and then turning the gun on myself. Thankfully I don't have the gun, and I'm no longer living with my mom. It really stinks. I hope things improve for you soon.


30th-May-2006 08:28 pm (UTC) - *Sending lots of love*
I kind of wish I wasn't gone for the long weekend. I'll write back to you very soon.

Hon, if you ever want to call me, you are absolutely welcome too. The only problem I could forsee is it's long distance. I'll send you my number when I email you tonight.
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