Stephanie (wondrous2) wrote,

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Dealing With My Dad - Two Things to Remember

*When possible, force yourself to distance yourself from someone you believe to be controlling you. Avoid conversations, interactions, mutual interests and friendships/relationships where you are in their presence. Doing so will allow you to gain a more healthy perspective about your life, as well as force you to seek out your own individuality and independence away from this person. Do not provide an explanation to this person for your need for these changes. That will only invoke more attempts at control since they will know what you're up to and their manipulations will prevail. Just make the changes. Remember that the problem of control is theirs and not yours. The goal is to liberate yourself, not fix the problem.

I felt that it would be necessary to tell my dad how I felt about him and that I wanted him out of my life. Still, I want him to know and I want him outta my life, but now that I think about it, I doubt that he'll listen. It'll probably create more problems between us and especially for me. I thought that maybe the consequences would be worth it, but if he doesn't respect my wishes, which I believe he wouldn't, then it would be unnecessary to go through all of that pain and suffering and get no positive results. I had written him a letter, but I haven't quite finished it, and I wanted to think about it more. I don't like ignoring him because it doesn't seem to help, but I guess I'll have to make more of an effort to stay away from him. Maybe on his death-bed I'll tell him how I feel. That sounds shitty, but that's probably the only way he'll sit down and actually listen.

*Set firm boundary lines of what is and isn't acceptable to you when dealing with a controlling person. They will push these limits to test you. Stay firm and don't back down.

I have to remember to set limits, too. I try to, but I eventually let my guard down outta fear. Now that I'm getting really sick of this shit, maybe this will change. It's getting to the point where I'm not so afraid anymore, I'm mostly get pissed and annoyed. Ultimately, I have to think like a survivor, not a victim.

Tags: family, recovery, turning point
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