My mental health has improved greatly over the past year, especially since my emotionally abusive father moved out. When I came back home in Spring of last year, I decided to get a job to pay off all my hospital bills and what not. Now I'm on a break from everything, but I am recovering and receiving spiritual guidance. I want to get a job now, though, 'cause I'd like to pay off this current bill that I have. Also, I want to buy my SUV and other spiffy things. ;)
I haven't felt suicidal in a while, but as of late I have been thinking about it a bit. When I feel a little down, the thought crosses my mind every now and then, but not very actively. Sometimes I feel that all of this is useless and ending it would be better, but I don't actually think of any specific ways to hurt or kill myself. That's good 'cause being suicidal isn't fun. Strangely, I see a few opportunities to make myself feel worse, to get really sick again. Now, that means that I'm able to see the traps that I could fall into, traps I have fallen into before, which were difficult to get out of. Well, that's another indication that I'm getting better.
I actually want to tell my family and friends about my PTSD and other psychiatric symptoms, but I know that wouldn't be in anyone's best interest, especially mine. I just don't want to feel that I have to keep any secrets. I guess I could just continue on with my treatment, and if asked, I'll say it's personal. My family likes to pry, but since mental illness is something they like to avoid, they probably won't get very far. If something happens, I just want them to know the truth, ya know?
Once again my sleep schedule is a little off, which doesn't help my health one bit. The fact that my father has access to our apartment and tries to contact us fairly often doesn't help either. I can't wait 'til I move away from here.
- Tags:mi, update
- Music:Watching CSI: Miami