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Wondrous Beauty
Living From Within
Status of Mental Health- GAF: 80 
30th-Nov-2007 05:16 pm
My mental health has improved greatly over the past year, especially since my emotionally abusive father moved out. When I came back home in Spring of last year, I decided to get a job to pay off all my hospital bills and what not. Now I'm on a break from everything, but I am recovering and receiving spiritual guidance. I want to get a job now, though, 'cause I'd like to pay off this current bill that I have. Also, I want to buy my SUV and other spiffy things. ;)

I haven't felt suicidal in a while, but as of late I have been thinking about it a bit. When I feel a little down, the thought crosses my mind every now and then, but not very actively. Sometimes I feel that all of this is useless and ending it would be better, but I don't actually think of any specific ways to hurt or kill myself. That's good 'cause being suicidal isn't fun. Strangely, I see a few opportunities to make myself feel worse, to get really sick again. Now, that means that I'm able to see the traps that I could fall into, traps I have fallen into before, which were difficult to get out of. Well, that's another indication that I'm getting better.

I actually want to tell my family and friends about my PTSD and other psychiatric symptoms, but I know that wouldn't be in anyone's best interest, especially mine. I just don't want to feel that I have to keep any secrets. I guess I could just continue on with my treatment, and if asked, I'll say it's personal. My family likes to pry, but since mental illness is something they like to avoid, they probably won't get very far. If something happens, I just want them to know the truth, ya know?

Once again my sleep schedule is a little off, which doesn't help my health one bit. The fact that my father has access to our apartment and tries to contact us fairly often doesn't help either. I can't wait 'til I move away from here.
1st-Dec-2007 06:46 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you're doing well, honey!
*much strength*
2nd-Dec-2007 09:11 am (UTC)
(Deleted comment)
2nd-Dec-2007 09:13 am (UTC)
Yeah, it was pretty rough. I love that things have changed!
2nd-Dec-2007 06:38 pm (UTC) - GAF 80
That's not too terrible. Of course, I would only ever hope for it to improve, but it's definitely not to bad in the scheme of things. I can say I've been lower than 80 before.

Sending love!
3rd-Dec-2007 08:42 am (UTC) - Re: GAF 80
Thanks, pumpkin!
(Deleted comment)
25th-Dec-2007 12:57 pm (UTC)
Merry Christmas, babe!!!
7th-Jan-2008 09:13 pm (UTC)
I picked your entry to ready because my daughter is going through life not knowing what is wrong with her. She has been and out of placements, foster homes, mental hospitals, ect.. since she has been eight years old and she is 17 in a few days. She is in a Residential treatment facility right now. She has been on all kinds of meds and nothing seems to work they just seem to make her worse health wise. I am very scared that she won't be able to make it in the community and get a job and live a happy life. She is the sweetest person and she can be the devil in about 30 seconds. I love her and support her. I am trying to find someone that has had problems and is living a nice life. I don't know what I am looking for actually. I just want my daughter to be happy and be able to live and love and grow.
7th-Jan-2008 11:17 pm (UTC) - *hugs*
I've been ill for most of my life, and haven't found out what was actually wrong until a little over a year ago. I went to an actual psychologist to find out. Knowing what my problem is makes everything A LOT easier.

I've been in a psychiatric hospital a couple of times and found that they don't really help at all. They do prevent people from committing suicide, but only temporarily; they do little to find out what makes the individual suicidal in the first place. That's the problem with hospitals, and they, therefore, allow people to be hospitalized again and again.

When I first started therapy, I was working with a social worker. She couldn't help me and neither could the caregivers at the hospitals because they weren't equipped to treat such psychological problems. They can only help to a certain extent. I find that trying to seek adequate help from them is frustrating and useless. I'm not too fond of free clinics either. I figured that psychologists are more competent and thorough in treating psychological problems, and of course, they are the experts.

Receiving treatment from a psychologist can be expensive, but I believe it's worth it. Not all psychologists will be helpful, but with severe or complicated cases psych hospitals and social workers aren't gonna do the trick.

I think that residential treatment facilities are pretty good since they tend to have real doctors who are willing to help. There are probably other patients there who could relate to your daughter, which could help her to not feel so alone or like no one understands her.

A good support system could help tremendously, too. It helped me to know that I had some people that I could turn to. It all took some time, but it's very valuable in the end. I hope things work out for the best for you and your daughter. I know it has to hurt to watch her go through all this.
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