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Wondrous Beauty
Living From Within
3rd-Aug-2007 10:57 pm
I'm so incredibly sleepy... I'm in need of a prescription sleep-aid ASAP. I've been sleep-deprived for weeks. It's getting to the point where I can barely function properly. I can't even do the all the writing I plan to do! Anyway...

When I was going through my last bout of depression, my self-esteem suffered quite a bit. It worried me a little, but I also felt that lowering myself would help me to experience some sort of happiness. Well, that's not what I want- lowering myself wouldn't help me do anything but feel even worse, and I want to feel great. I'm glad that I'm seeing how valuable I am. I deserve happiness, not bullshit and pain. I want some ice cream. When I start working, I'm gonna treat myself to a banana split...with three cherries on top :P.

About the job-hunt, that's going pretty well! I've gotten three calls, but I'm turning all of them down XD. About a couple weeks ago, I felt that I should apply to a bunch of places whether I was really interested in them or not. Well...screw that, lol. I'm keeping an open mind, but I don't want to settle for something that I have very little interest in. So, with that being said, I'm gonna continue applying for places that seem to satisfy my preferences.

Yesterday, I became so upset with how things were going. I just thought about all the crap I went through in the past and the crap that I'm around now and got a little angry. Well, I'm not really discouraged or anything; I just want to have a meaningful life, and I'm very anxious about getting it. I can see a lot of wonderful things falling into place, and I'm grateful for that, but it seems that things aren't going quickly enough. I'm sure if I was eating and sleeping more, then I wouldn't be so anxious and moody all the time.

In other news, you guys are great. The little things you guys say, or the advise you give, or the *hugs* you send give me a nice warm feeling♥♥♥. Now, I'm off to shower and then to bed.
4th-Aug-2007 02:46 pm (UTC)
Yeah I would atleast try one of the jobs. I'm about to get fired from my 1st one... going lower in my depression is kinda of comfort zone for me, but I tend to snap out of it. :hugs:
4th-Aug-2007 09:05 pm (UTC)
Same here. Depression seems safer for some reason...I guess 'cause it's like, nothing good can happen to you and then be swiped away repeatedly if you're already in that never-ending pit of depression, so it'd hurt less to just stay depressed :/. I sooo need a new comfort zone; depression's fired- I can't work with it anymore.
4th-Aug-2007 08:27 pm (UTC)
Yay for positivity! Realizing how valuable you are is a great step towards happiness.

I'd treat you to ice cream if I lived closer.
4th-Aug-2007 08:57 pm (UTC)
Aw thankies, sugar♥
(Deleted comment)
5th-Aug-2007 08:37 pm (UTC)
Probably Bloomington, IN, which is kind of in the southern area of IN.
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