This mental disorder is really taking over, and I am weak and don't want to fight it anymore. I should talk to someone, but I don't feel like it. I have so much to do, but I forget about them and it is no one's fault but mine. My therapist told me that none of this is my fault, but I am not entirely convinced of it. Sometimes I wonder why the hell am I not dead yet. If no one shoots me in the street, then maybe I should overdose in something so I could die and won't have to suffer anymore. I guess that I just need help.