Stephanie (wondrous2) wrote,

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Just A Rant...

I hate being mentally ill. There are times when I am unable to care for myself and it doesn't help when my parents tell me that nothing is wrong with me. They think that I'm just being overly-dramatic and that I want attention. I wish that they were more supportive and that they would stop criticising me.

My first year of college was a disaster. I couldn't concentrate, I was constantly suicidal, and my therapists (I saw more than one) couldn't help me. My dissociative problems started to get the best of me, so I decided to withdraw. I really hated that. I love school so much, but I just couldn't continue.

I told my psychiatrist and two of my therapists that I have withdrawn from school and that I wouldn't come back until I've gotten back on my feet. My psychiatrist apologized for not being able to help me and insisted that I go see a professional who is able to really help me, and that's what I plan to do.

My parents were upset with me when I told them I couldn't finish the school year. They still are upset with me. Do they think this is a fuckin' joke?!! I WILL go back to school! I just can't handle the distorted thinking patterns, the panic attacks in class, the suicide ideation, etc. I wish that everyone would either leave me alone or help me through this. "If you take a year off, then you'll never go back to school," is what everyone tells me. I know myself and I know that I will go back to school. I love developing my mind too much not to go back.

I wish that people who know nothing about me and my condition would leave me alone and go to hell.
Tags: doctors, family, mi, sad
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