An evil wolf.

Yeah, yeah, yeah I know I need a psychotherapist.

This is my third day off in a row, and I've been relaxing and enjoying myself. Work is frustrating and exhausting, so three days off is a real treat. I get less hours at work now, which is a good thing and a bad thing at the same time. It's good because my team leader is a counterproductive jerk, so it's good that I'm not around her as much. It's bad because, well, I need the money - especially since I'm not done paying off my credit card bill and I'm getting dental work done now. Hopefully no more abscessed teeth!

I wish I won the lottery. :-/ Any positive, drastic change would be greatly appreciated.

I got my pole last week!!! My body's been incredibly sore since I've been working on that thing. lol The second and third day I was on it I wanted to quit. Pole work isn't easy at all, but I never assumed it would be. Well, I stuck with it and by the fourth day I managed to master several spins and some intermediate poses, even the one where I'm hanging from one leg, theorhetoriq! Will send you a pic soon.

I've been exhausted lately, both from work and lack of sleep. I put off doing a lot of things due to wanting to rest or sleep. I'm off this weekend, so when I get a chance, I'll have to call my dear friend yojism. I've been missing her calls since I've been busy and tired. ( TMI )

Things are really, really stressful at work, but I'm trying not to let myself get too stressed out. Actually, I'm more angry than anything about the way things are going, so I'm gonna talk to my store mananger or the hiring manager. If nothing happens after that, then I won't give a shit anymore. I'm tired of giving my all for a bullshit job.

This recession is a bitch. I'm happy I have a job and all, but since they're tight on money, they expect the few workers they have to work twice as hard without getting overtime. I always try not to get overtime, but something always happens. Oh well, they can get upset if they want (not that I want them to), but it's impossible to do what they expect in so little time.

In other news, I bought myself a gift! It hasn't come in the mail yet, but I'm sooo excited! I've been trying to work out a bit lately, and I'd like to start yoga again, so I plan to do that as well as something else! I bought a stripper fitness pole! lol Yoga and pole dancing is a good way for me to strengthen my upper body, especially since I tend to neglect that part of my body. :-S Plus, pole dancing is so much fun! When I was hangin' with Susie, she bought a pole and we had a ton of fun with it. It wasn't a professional pole though, so we were limited to what we could do on it. I ordered a professional one that set me back a bit over $300. I feel so broke now. lol I think of it as a b-day gift for myself. :-)

There's not much else going on in my life right now. I want to move out (surprise, surprise), but I don't have the money to move yet. I want to move to a nearby town since it would be more convenient. I just need to get out of my mom's apartment. I wanted to buy a car before I moved out, but screw it. I want to leave ASAP. lol Whenever I move, my life should be a lot better. I won't have to put up with my family's crap, I could get treatment without any criticism, and I could plan to go back to IU (yes, I still wanna go to that school!). *sigh* One step at a time.

My mom bought a new computer! Yay!!! She bought it and I set it up a few days ago. Now I can stop going to the library and the computer lab. Sometimes it's a bit inconvenient to go to either place.

Today I finally went to see a movie. I always try to go with one of my sisters, but something always happens. I just went by myself. I saw Obsessed, and it was pretty good. Maybe this weekend I'll go see Fighting. Thank goodness for being off this weekend!

Some fool on Myspace just messaged me asking if I had an innie or outtie belly-button. He wanted to know so he could see if he is interested in me or not. LOL!!! What the fuck?! We're judging people by belly-buttons now? LOL! I just blocked his crazy ass. I'm guessing he's interested in chicks with outties, and I'm one of them, but I'm not interested in whatever the hell he's interested in, so uh, no. lol Seriously, that shit made my day. :-P I guess he's better than the guy who tried to make me... ahem, "cum" with his so-called seductive poetry. Crazy Myspace freaks... lol

I don't want to go to work tomorrow. lol I'm baking tomorrow, and I don't like baking at Target anymore. Hell, I don't like working for Target anymore. Well, at least on Friday I'm working 9am-2pm and I have the weekend off. Marvelous. :-) Whenever I'm scheduled to work any time besides 5am, I'm cake decorating, which I like much better than baking at this point. Well, actually, many times when I'm scheduled to decorate cakes, I end up packaging breads. That sucks 'cause I'm not supposed to be doing that all the time. That only happens when my team leader is there because she feels she can't package by herself and meet our deadlines. That really sucks 'cause I know I can package by myself and meet the deadlines... Anyway, I'm looking for a new job. Until then, I'm at Target being tossed about like a ping-pong ball. *sigh*

Three cheers for getting out of debt! lol I'm about halfway there now. I don't feel so stressed out now, so I'm good. :-) In other news, I'm looking for a new job. I wanted a second job, but now I just want to work somewhere else. Quite frankly I don't want to work for Target anymore. I'm growing quite tired of the company. Retail really isn't for me anyway. I'm gonna stay until I get a new job, but who knows how long that will be? Eh, I'm just hangin' in there. I need to stop tiring myself out at work, though.

I actually haven't been doing much else besides working. That's kind of sad, I know, but when I'm not at work, I rather be at home chillin' or on a computer somewhere. Well, at least I've been exercising more. Oh! There's a Michaels near my job, and I absolutely love it! I, like, have orgasms when I'm in that store! Needless to say, I love arts and crafts. lol When I finish a project, I never have anything to do with it and since I have so much crap at home I can't keep it. I don't usually give them out as gifts since my people aren't into that stuff. Eh, I'll figure it out later.

Two more days of work, and then I'll have two days off! Yippee! Yesterday I was off, and before that I worked six days straight. On the fifth day I worked from 5am to 6pm... I wanted to die! I mean, I've done that before (I've done a few 5am-8:30pms at the other store), but I don't ever want to do that again! I was so overwhelmed! No one was scheduled to help me at 7am, so I had to take care of that job and mine. Also, a customer was upset because her cake order wasn't done, so I had to stop baking and decorate her cake (actually, it was a cupcake-pull-apart, which looks like a cake but with a bunch of cupcakes iced together). I wanted to walk out, but I took a deep breath and had one of my closers help me with my baking process breakout thingy. On the sixth day, I told my ETL (one of my bosses) what happened and he felt bad. That's probably why he told me to leave at 12pm that day instead of the usual 1:30pm. I'm just glad that today went muuuch better. :-) Basically I got all my work done without any interruptions.

I need to learn how to manage my suicidal/depressive feelings better. Lately when I feel down, it's not for long, so I can bounce back rather quickly, but still... who the hell wants to continuously go from feeling confident and in charge to feeling shitty and ready to die? It's annoying. Sometimes the reasons why I feel so down aren't that serious. It's like one thing goes wrong, and I lose my sense of security and confidence to feel good. Eh, I gotta work on that. Damn PTSD...

Man... I really wish I had a computer at home. I miss the convenience of getting on the internet whenever I wanted, and now it depends on whether I feel like walking to the computer lab or not. Damnit. I miss reading you guys' entries everyday. It sucks not to do that 'cause I feel like I miss a lot. I'm a comment whore, too, so it sucks not to comment all the time.

In other news, I got my pay-raise. Yay! It's what I expected it to be, so I'm not complaining. A vast majority of my money goes to bills, and this raise will help. Good. :-) Currently, I'm the baker, but in a couple of weeks or so I may be the "in-between person." That means that I bake on the baker's days off and I'll cake decorate on the cake decorator's days off. Fucking sweet. Well, it's not written in stone, but that's what management is considering. Hell, I do both jobs now anyways. lol

Well, I've been doing a good job keeping myself busy, active, and organized, so yay! lol I'm not trying to worry about all the many plans that I have right now 'cause that'll only depress me, so I'm taking life as it comes. It's been awesome so far, though!

*hugs to you all*

Yeah, so... I need to save up and buy a laptop. I'm done with my virus-infected desktop at home, so I need my own personal laptop. I don't know what my sister's gonna do without the computer. I know she'll want to use my laptop when I get it, though. That's cool, but she won't be able to have her iTunes or pictures on it, which is the main reason she uses the computer.

Anyway, I'm still here. lol I pop in every now and then to read or comment on posts. I've been pretty busy with work and other things. I'm no longer the cake decorator's assistant, I'm the baker now. Well, when the cake decorator's not in, I cover for her, which is cool. :-) Surprisingly, I like working this job. I hated my last job so much (which was the same job but a different store), but really it was because a couple of my bosses had me running around like a chicken with its head cut off. My bosses at this store are awesome and so are the people I work with. :-) Many people at my last job got on my last nerve. lol

I finally have a pair of glasses and a six-month supply of contact lenses! Woohoo! I've worn only contacts for the past several years, and I had to stretch my last supply of contacts to last me for two years. My last pair had tiny holes in them and they began to lose their shape. They were kind of painful, too. Anyway, thankfully my eyes are healthy and I have some new eye stuff. Ah! The glory of being broke!/sarcasm

A vast majority of my money is going to bills, which I want to pay off ASAP, so technically I will still be broke for a while. Hopefully I'll get my pay-raise very, very soon. Otherwise, I'll need a new job. I plan to get a second job in about a year or two... hell, I'm not sure yet.

Anyway, I've been doing really well. I'm still reading and expressing myself through writing. I'm still expanding myself as a human being. :-)